I went to a pretty interesting conference in DC sponsored by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation yesterday dealing with PHR's (personal health records).  Overall it was quite informative and I definitely learned a thing or four.  However, one major take away point was the following: Fun with buzz words!

"The synergistic paradigm of the future PHR ecosystem empowers consumers to become proactive in their own health."

I made that one up (quite proud of it too), but it is certainly something you might have heard at the conference.  I assure you the underlined words were uttered multiple times, and with great conviction, by many of the speakers.  I should also underline "consumers," since, framed in a healthcare context, they adamantly insist on using that term instead of "patient," "individual," or my personal favorite, "people."  What's wrong with using simple and direct language these days?

Now for a relevant Simpsons quote!

Krusty: So he's proactive, huh?

Lady: Oh, God, yes.  We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.

Writer: Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"?  Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important?

[pause] ...Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that.

[pause] ...I'm fired, aren't I?

Meyers: Oh yes.

Concerning Hobbits

To take the road less traveled, that has made all the difference.  I have a feeling, however, that Robert didn’t intend for this idea to be applied to such extremes as it has been in my life.  I seem to go out of my way to find the road not only less traveled, but also filled with poisonous snakes, concealed pit traps, and man-eating sharks with lasers on their heads.  Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out if I just stayed in the Shire and kept to the safer gentler paths.  Unfortunately life doesn’t do mulligans, so I can only plow forward, praying with each step that a divine power is leading me to a satisfactory destination.  A narrower destination than the alternative, I hope.

Back in high school, I took private tennis lessons and worked tirelessly to climb the ranks within the school team.  In my senior year, I was supposed to be captain of the team as well as play in the highest spot, that of first singles.  On our second day of practice early in that season, it began to rain and we ended early, and I decided to go watch my friends at volleyball practice in the gym.  After ten minutes, I knew, without question, that I wanted to play volleyball.  It was absolute foolishness, to throw away thousands of dollars of training, discard hundreds of hours of practice, and step down from the top leading position on the team to pursue this whim.  And yet, in my heart, I knew.  Without hesitation or question, I knew.  So I quit the team and played varsity volleyball that season, brushed up on my dusty volleyball skills and trained rigorously, and ended up as the starting middle blocker for our team.  I was happy.  And as with any good Hollywood movie, our undersized underdog team that barely made it into the playoffs ended up winning the championship.  I was certainly not the best player in our starting six-man roster, but I can say with confidence that they could not have won it all without my contribution.

Old habits die hard, and as you all already know, I quit medical school with just one year left until completion.  Absolute foolishness yet again, but I knew with the same unwavering conviction and certainty that medicine was not my path and that it was time to leave.  I am happy.  It would have been smart to graduate and get those delightful letters “M” and “D” behind my name, but one of my many flaws is I am not a man of subtleties.  I deal in absolutes, and it was absolutely time for me to leave.  It’s odd that I don’t enjoy Absolut Vodka as much as I should…

I got a job offer today.  A healthcare software company based in Wisconsin is willing to pay me a good amount of money to go there and be their dancing monkey.  After some research, however, the position that I once thought was perfect may in fact hide a darker more sinister side.  Nothing illegal or immoral, mind you, but simply a side that may ultimately not only be of little help to my future career and pursuits, but may in fact compromise my long-term goals.  Having gone nearly four months without a job, the easy decision would be to take this well paying offer and make the best of it.  However, I feel a familiar whimsical feeling rising from the pits of my stomach.  Do I dare entertain the whim yet again?  Maybe it’s just diarrhea?  I think in this case I need to arm myself with more detailed research and knowledge of the company and other possibilities elsewhere.  But if I end up in the same position I am in now after the proper due diligence, do I dare reject this offer of manna from the skies?

I hope I do not linger here too long to watch the woods fill with snow.  It’s easy to fall into a lull after experiencing an extended respite from a life of productivity, but my pride, ambitions, and dreams will keep me warm and see me through this dark winter.  There are so many miles to go before I sleep.  I pray that this snowy path I have chosen, along with future forks in the road and those respective paths, will lead me to the destination miles and miles away, beyond what my mortal eyes can currently see.

In closing, I would like to apologize to Mr. Frost for the blatant plagiarism and foolish misuse of his words.  Nothing like a little plagiarism to make your own words sound more profound!

Leonard Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No. 

Yogurt Drinks

"Go say goodbye to your grandfather," said his dad as he loaded up the last of the suitcases into the van. The little boy, only eight years young, walked back into the house towards the dingy stuffy room he usually tries to avoid. Half holding his breath, the boy tiptoed into the room. His grandfather lied in bed, in his usual state of being not quite awake but far from sleep.

"Bye grandpa."

The elderly man turned in bed and looked over. Despite being over eighty years old, there was still a dignified fire burning in his eyes. The boy waved briefly, and began heading back outside to the van. Before hopping into the backseat he opened up his fanny pack, making sure all of his most prized toys and possessions were coming with him to the new world. Looking back at the house one last time, he noticed something odd - his grandfather got out of bed, made his way to the front door, and silently watched as the van pulled away. He thought this rather odd and uncharacteristic behavior, but unfortunately the naivety of youth made him oblivious to the gravity of the situation. Little did the boy know he would be responsible for his grandfather's death.

It would be many years later before the boy realized what he had done. Even though it wasn't his fault, a lingering sense of guilt creeps up each time he reflects upon that moment at the front door of his old house in Taiwan. If only he had said more than just "bye grandpa," he might feel less guilty. But then again, what could he have said? What are the appropriate words to tell someone, who dedicated their entire existence towards your happiness, that you were leaving permanently? If he could relive that moment again, he might have at least shed a tear. Perhaps some visual pathos could convey what simple words could not.

He realizes now that he was the reason grandpa stayed alive. It was a full time job, walking the boy to school, sneaking him a few coins to buy toys or snacks, keeping the fridge stocked with yogurt drinks, and making sure the boy was healthy and fat. The reason he sat on the couch watching weird Chinese operas on TV in the afternoon was so he could catch the moment the boy returned from school to promptly begin doting on him. Of course being eight years old, he could not truly appreciate how blessed he was to have grandpa around. Instead he was always embarrassed when the old man would constantly spit on the street as they walked to school, eagerly anticipating the moment when he could wiggle free from grandpa's hand and run away into the school. He was too young to know any better.

After a few years in the United States, the boy went back to Taiwan to visit relatives. He walked into his old house, everything a bit smaller now than what he remembered. His grandfather was sleeping in the same dingy stuffy room, unaware that his grandson had returned for a couple days. The room's moldy stench had gotten stronger over the years.

"Hi grandpa."

His grandfather turned in bed and their eyes met. The dignified fire in his eyes that once burned strong was now a wisp of smoke, and he seemed merely a shell of a man. After his grandson left, there was no reason for him to leave the room anymore, and slowly he became more and more secluded, and with that seclusion his life slowly drained away. Seeing his grandson for the first time in four years, however, rekindled a little bit of life back in the old man. He got up out of bed and left the room for the first time in weeks. He kept the fridge stocked with yogurt drinks, and gave the boy some coins to buy toys and snacks. The boy downed the yogurt drinks with zeal, although the coins no longer held much value since he was now in the business of American dollars. For two days, grandpa was alive again, and for two days he had a purpose again. Those two days would be the last time he saw his grandfather alive.

At the funeral service in China three years later, the boy, now a young man of sixteen years, walked up to the casket to pay his final respects. He looked down at his grandfather, sleeping soundly, the fire now completely extinguished. If his grandfather were to wake up from this slumber by some supernatural means, the first thing on his mind would probably be to find the nearest convenience store and buy some yogurt drinks for his grandson. He couldn't help but smile at this thought, as a tear rolled down his cheek and onto the ground.

Homer: "Marge, please. Old people don't need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that can be extracted for our personal use!"

Marge: "Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?"

Number Theory

Quite some time has passed between the previous entry and this much overdo entry, so I will attempt to fill you in on some the inconsequential happenings of these last one and a half months. As far as my job search goes, things are progressing, albeit rather slowly. I guess this is partially my fault, as I have not been the most proactive in my endeavors to find employment. I do have a couple prospects lined up, however, and I feel pretty good about where things are headed. It’s unfortunate however that I missed the recruiting season for most of the large consulting companies, since those were supposed to be some of my safety nets in this whole job search circus. Instead I’m left walking this tightrope with only the harsh reality of failure staring back at me. It’s quite a fall to the bottom, I should at least have taken out some life insurance. Mistakes of youth, what can you do?

On the parental front, the storm has finally passed and things have settled down quite a bit. There’s really not much to say publicly in those regards, so if you’re curious about the details you can ask me privately and I’ll be more than happy to regale you with tales of courage and fantastic adventures. Oh wait, that was Lord of the Rings. My tales are much less captivating, but they may be worthwhile to the curious.

Yesterday was my 27^th birthday. I was informed the day before that this was my “golden birthday,” and until that time I didn’t know such a concept existed. For those of you who are as ignorant as I am, it’s when you turn the same age as the day of your birthday - pretty arbitrary if you ask me. What I’m much more excited about was the fact 27 is three to the third power (three is my lucky number). My birthday, 3/27/81, can be broken down into powers (not just multiples!) of 3, so 3^1, 3^3, 3^4, and having my age also fit that pattern means this will be a great year. It also means I’m a huge nerd, but you guys already knew that, so stop judging me you bastards.

Seriously though, just as I was relieved and excited about the arrival of 2008, I am absolutely ecstatic about what my 27^th year of life will bring. This is going to be a great year, and by “great” I actually mean “inconceivably awesome.” New career, new outlook on life, renewed dedication to the pursuit of Faith, new BMW 5 series, new hot girls, new penthouse in Vegas… Ok scratch those last few, but the first batch are still good. My uncharacteristically high spirits aside, I am looking forward to this year very much. One thing I’ve come to accept is that nothing happens by coincidence, and the events of this previous year happened for very good reasons. It’s much easier to say that in hindsight (a reoccurring theme in my blog it seems) but standing here at this very moment, things make a lot of sense. My ducks are finally in a row, swimming around happily, unaware of how delicious they taste. (That last bit wasn’t meant to be metaphorical - I just really like eating duck.)

On an unrelated note, I actually had an idea for a bit of semi-creative writing to post up here, but I think I’ll flounder around with that project in the near future. After all, 4:10am is late even by my freakishly night-owl standards. I will definitely try to update more often and attempt to keep you all moderately entertained. Okbye for now.

(I really want to get some Peking duck now…)

(I am aware of the changing spacing/font. Seems to be a discrepancy between my desktop PC and Macbook. Deal with it.)

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

Foot in door vs. Foot in mouth

As some of you already know, I quit medical school about two months ago. I had one full year to go, which is an eternity when you despise something as much as I did medicine. It’s not about the hard work, it’s not about annoying patients, and it’s not about being in the hospital. What I hated was the science and knowledge of medicine. I simply did not care whether or not 2% of a specific subset of the population were prone to a disease that had a 30% chance of turning them into pumpkins. I don’t care about all the funny little proteins floating around in our bodies doing their jibber-jabber business. I don’t care about the 0.8% increase in the resistance to a particular antibiotic of a strain of bacteria in Baltimore found only in Oompa-Loompas addicted to cocaine. I don’t care about seeing little chocolate covered donuts under the microscope and knowing that there’s a 82% likelihood of the presence of a malignant vs. benign tumor. Whoopdy-freaking-doo. I just don’t care. So when people told me “why don’t you just become a radiologist,” they were completely missing the point.

One of the few things that I was truly passionate about (and proud of) in medical school was my position as the president of APAMSA, and our incredibly successful shirt sale fundraiser back in my 2nd year. Countless hours were poured over that project, and I loved every moment of it (I challenge any other club in a professional school to raise over $3,000 with one fundraiser). I also loved debating with a fellow medical student (who also disliked medicine) about ways to improve the daily operations of the hospital, and how much time and money could be saved from various practical changes. I loved reading a study from a particular consulting company accounting for the details of the rising costs of healthcare in America. I analyzed each and every one of those seemingly boring tables and graphs to make sure no details were lost.

Thinking back to college, I did the bare minimum amount of studying for my biology and chemistry classes. However, I remember entire days spent writing code for the extra credit portion of a computer science project, or the late night hours that flew by drawing little neat colorful graphs for the economics assignment due the following week. I was pretty dedicated, just not in certain subjects, and unfortunately I chose to further pursue one of these subjects.

It wasn’t until third year that I truly realized I was not meant to be a doctor. I have the utmost respect for most of my colleagues and other future doctors out there, because at times it is a truly noble and rewarding work (although half of them are in it for the wrong reasons). However, I knew medicine wasn’t for me. My path lies elsewhere, and I’m extremely happy to have come to this realization. Now, the wisdom versus folly of my decision won’t be determined until later in the future. If I am successful people will say “Epson had the courage and foresight to quit medical school and pursue his passions.” If I fail to succeed, then they will say “he was a quitter, and that’s why he hasn’t gotten anywhere in this world.” Such is the nature of hindsight, our never erring judgemental master.

It is a little ironic that I was able to make this decision partly due to a patient I had back at the VA (Veteran’s Administration) Hospital at the beginning of my 3rd year. The patient was a 70-something year old Vietnam veteran with an incredibly colorful history (long story short, he was the captain of some unit in the war, and he was a POW for a while). I spent about an hour just sitting in his room chatting with him, and before I left he said to me “just remember, if you don’t like where you are or what you’re doing, get on a bus and go somewhere else and do something else.” Call it dumb blind coincidence, call it fate, call it a nudge from God - whatever it was, it was exactly what I needed to hear. And so here we are, a little over a year later, in the aftermath of all that’s happened during the trying times of 2007 that led ultimately to my departure from medicine.

There’s nothing quite like parental disappointment. Due to some family issues, I opted to wait until last week to tell my parents the news. It would have been so much easier if they were angry and yelled at me. Instead, anxiety and defeat were what I got. I was already overwhelmingly burdened by my mom’s anxieties over the news, but I nearly broke in half when I heard my dad’s voice over the phone. It was a voice I had never heard from him, sounding not unlike a patient when they quit the fight and give in to the inevitability of their disease. It was the sound of defeat. It tore me to the core.

I know my parents will recover from the trauma of the news. Life will return to normal as it always does, even if the scars of the past linger on. I am now faced with the daunting task of moving on, of trying to stick my foot into the door of this hazy world of “business.” At times I am confident that there is a future for me, as people of my training, background, and ability must be in high demand out there, especially at such a transitional time in healthcare both in the US as well as in Asia. Yet at other times, I am bogged down by the fear of failure, of the reality that people will be hiring me for my potential and not for what I can already bring to the table. What company out there would be willing to take a risk on someone without any practical skills? Or worse, take a risk on a quitter, regardless of how smart he might or might not be?

I hope and pray that this fear does not paralyze me in the coming weeks as I begin seriously searching for a definitive start to this new beginning. Exciting times lie ahead, although like I often say, excitement isn’t necessarily always a good thing. Regardless of what happens, I’m glad I made this choice. It was the right choice, even if hindsight disagrees.

Homer: "If You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."

Two Crackheads

I think I've finally reached the peak of selling out to the fad of pop-culture pseudo-rebellion.  I'm currently sitting on a plane typing this entry on my new Macbook Pro, listening to MC Solaar (French rapper) on my Ipod nano, and wearing a moderately fitted t-shirt with the Ghostbusters logo proudly displayed on the front.  Somehow I've managed to become the antithesis of a conservative capitalist pig - not that I ever considered myself as such, but I definitely have my right-sided leanings.  The only thing keeping me from turning completely into a snooty coffee-shop-stalking buret-wearing poetry-spewing guitar-strumming imaginary-rebellious yuppie hippie is the fact I'm on my way to go skiing at Lake Tahoe.  Not snowboarding.  Skiing.  The one that old rich white men prefer.  I keeps it real like that.

So anyway, let's talk about relationships.

Now I must first give credit to where it's due.  The core of the ideas I am about to present are not my own.  Instead they came from a certain friend of mine, who we will call S. Kang to protect his identity from you online predators.  Actually, that's too obvious, we'll call him Sam K. instead.  Only someone from an engineering background such as his can take something like relationships, with its infinite shades of gray, and turn it into a distinctively concrete, very concise, and surprisingly logical bullet form list.  Perhaps this simplicity is where this theory derives its strength.

To begin, I must first stress what this list is NOT.  This is not a list of everything that goes into a successful relationship.  Instead, this is a list of three things that MUST go into EVERY successful relationship.  If you still do not understand this concept, let me put it another way.  Just as there are many different types of cakes out there, there are many different types of relationships.  However, all cakes have in common certain ingredients, like eggs, flour, water, and sugar.  Depending on the scenario and personal preference, however, cakes may or may not have chocolate chips, fruit, whip cream, etc.  We're here to talk about the eggs and flour of a relationship.  (Yes I realize there are ice cream cakes and cheesecakes.  Stop breaking my delicious dessert based analogies you bastard.)

As a second disclaimer, this entry is not simply limited to romantic relationships.  The list applies to all human friendships.  Since friendships are at the core of any relationship, be it professional, romantic, or between friends (duh), it translates pretty well to all manifestations of social bonds.

Without further ado, here are the three elements vital to any relationship: Fun, Respect, and Trust.  Now you may be thinking to yourself "that's so obvious Epson, you're an idiot for thinking this is somehow profound!"  Is it really though?  Let's analyze each in further detail.

First we have "Fun."  This one is pretty straightforward.  Two people must be able to have fun in order to enjoy each other's company.  This incorporates things such as sense of humor, similar interests, and that sense of "chemistry" that's so hard to describe with words but everyone has experienced as some point (kind of like asking you to describe what "salty" tastes like).  When you have fun with someone, time disappears.  Three hour phone conversations feel like they only lasted 15 minutes, and you can barely recall what topics were covered but you know you had a lot to say about whatever it was you talked about.  You can joke about the stupidest things and still somehow entertain (or be entertained).  You can go play basketball or hit some balls at the driving range, eat some fast food, and wait two hours in line to watch the latest superhero blockbuster movie on opening day.  I don't really need to explain further what having fun is like.  You just know.

The second element is Respect.  Any relationship, be it a good friend, a significant other, or a coworker, must have respect.  To list a few components, you must respect the person's intelligence, wisdom, moral/ethical fiber, generosity, patience, dedication, character, and passion.  Now not all of these are necessary, but they all contribute to an overall sense of respect for someone, and the more of these elements that are present, the stronger the respect becomes.  In essence, there must be qualities in the other individual that you admire, and these qualities must be greater than the person's shortcomings.  I'm not suggesting you must idolize the person, but think of it this way - you cannot date or be very close friends with someone who is, in your opinion, dumb as a rock, a pathologic liar, or stingy like Scrooge McDuck.  A hippie tree hugger will probably not be best friends with an investment banker, because the two simply would not have respect for each other's outlooks on life.

These first two components remind me of a Chris Rock standup routine, where he astutely points out when a relationship simply won't work.  I believe it goes something like this:

"That's right.  If you born-again, your woman gotta be born-again too.  If you a crackhead, your woman gotta be a crackhead too.  Or the sh*t won't work!  You can't be like 'I'm going to church, where you going?'  'Hit the pipe!"  That relationship aint going nowhere!  Two crackheads can stay together forever."

Anyway, the last item on the list is Trust.  Some of this overlaps with respect, but at the core Trust is a very different thing.  Trust is when you can tear down your own defenses and really open up to a person, because you know the person will not hurt you when you are vulnerable.  Trust is when you can place a piece of your own welfare in someone else's hands, and know that they will not end up stabbing you in the back.  It is knowing the person isn't selfish enough to put their own interests ahead of your relationship with them.  It is knowing the other person is dependable, that they will be there when you are down, and will abide by that oh-so-important social code of conduct that binds us all.  Trust is knowing and respecting the other person's moral and ethical character enough to know they will do the right thing when the time comes, when faced with a difficult personal decision, when mutual interests conflict, when doing the right thing means making a personal sacrifice.  To willingly make sacrifices for a relationship, that is the utmost sign of a truly strong bond.

Think about all your current and past friendships and relationships.  How many of them meet all three criteria?  Think about that person who you SHOULD enjoy hanging out with but end up checking your watch every 10 minutes when you're with them.  Think about that coworker who you chill with at work but don't really care to show him or her to your other close friends.  Think back to that friend you always hung out with who would chirp about "bro's before ho's" and then backstabbed you or another mutual friend.  Think about that really hot date you had where you just wanted to bang your head against a brick wall everytime they opened their mouth, even though you know they are a nice down-to-earth person.  It's not so easy building a strong relationship is it?

I maintain, then, that all successful, deep, meaningful relationships must include all three of the above elements.  Notice how I avoided using the word love.  That word has come to mean so many different things to so many different people that trying to address it in an absolute sense would be biting off way more than I could chew.  I hope and pray for all of you to have at least one relationship in your life that possesses all three of these qualities.  Those are the relationships that will last, the ones that will make you a better person, and the ones that will bring you the most happy memories.

Mr. Burns: "I'll keep it short and sweet - Family, Religion, Friendship.  These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."

2008 Smells Like Ice Cream

It's amazing how one single year can bring about so many changes, but here we are, 5 days into 2008, and I'm still dazed just thinking about 2007.  To say I'm happy that 2007 is over is like saying Michael Moore is only slightly overweight - meaning that it is the understatement of the century.  I am f'ing ecstatic that 2007 is over.  I'm not going to recount all that has happened in the previous 365 days of my life - that is not the purpose of this blog.  Strangely, I don't really know what the purpose of this blog is...

So looking ahead to this new year, the logical first question that comes to mind is "what is your new years resolution?"  I must confess that my resolution is sort of a cop-out one, but it's my resolution so I can do whatever I want.  Quoting Russell Peters, my resolution is "be a man, do the right thing."  Vague, yes, but if correctly applied it's strangely powerful (and mildly amusing if imitated in a fobby accent).  There's a lot of pride and ego standing between me and "doing the right thing," but here's to trying.  For starters, I began this new year right by not drinking on new years eve (or day).  I refused to bring in this joyous occasion inebriated and not in full possession of what remains of my faculties.

I can't divulge certain details of some of the changes to come this year just yet on a public online blog, perhaps in a couple months when things settle down after the proverbial  doodoo hits the fan I'll share the details with you three loyal readers.  I was taught that a  paragraph needs at least 3 sentences, so it seems I'm still short one more.  I wonder if that first sentence was a run-on...

Religion has always been one of those mysteriously foreign things to me, strangely familiar yet always just out of reach.  But over the last year this foreigner has managed to provide much comfort in my times of need, and if nothing else I've learned to be a better person for it.  I'm pretty sure the Christian path parallels my "doing the right thing" path, so really if the two are so closely related why not learn more about this thing known as Faith?  I've already taken one lesson from the Bible, that whole "turning the other cheek" business, and applied it to my own life.  I've got many cheeks to turn (4 to be exact!) so what's the harm in turning just one? Some of you have already heard that stupid joke before, but I like it so I'm gonna keep kicking the dead horse.  So here's to spiritual growth, may you stay strong and true in my life.  Of course when I write that I have this mental image of me raising a glass of champagne and toasting a crowded room - I guess it doesn't work quite as well online.  Use your imagination people.

On a closely related topic, the new Rambo movie looks awesome.  With a catch phrase like "Heroes don't die, they reload" I think we're finally going to have a ridiculously awesome action movie like the good ol' days (remember the first Lethal Weapon or Terminator 2?)  And I don't know how Stallone does it, the man must be a robot sent from the future, because no human being can be his age (the man was born a year after World War II ended!) and still be such a badass.  Brain, I'm shutting you off, because it's gonna be a good time and I don't want you ruining this movie for me.

This year should be a good one for movies - a few that come to mind: Batman Dark Knight, Wall-E, 10,000BC, Ironman, the next Harry Potter, the new Narnia movie, and that movie where Adam Sandler plays an Israeli secret agent turned hair stylist.  I might even throw in Hancock (Will Smith rogue super hero movie) into that list, but Big Willy Style is pretty hit or miss when it comes to movies so I'll reserve judgement there.

The hour grows late, so I must go goof around elsewhere now.  Til next time.

Homer: I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket and flew to the moon.  What was his name?  Apollo Creed?